Those Friends

So you know those friends you used to be so comfortable around and could say anything and not feel judged? Those friends where you’ve tried getting a hold of but never get back to you. Those friends you buy/do everything for but they give you nothing in return. Those friends who all get together but leave you out of it, or leave you out of a social media post and it makes you feel excluded, like you don’t belong. Well, I’m not talking about those friends.

I’m talking about the friends where you can go into a screaming rage and they look at you like you’re normal. You don’t feel judged. You feel like you can say anything without having to worry what others will think of you. You can finally be yourself and who you’re meant to be. The friends where you run from one side of the parking lot to the other side just to jump in their arms with a massive bear hug. They don’t put you in awkward situations and are always positive about everything. Those are the friends I want to be surrounded by for the rest of my life. I found those friends.

Today I went to my college baseball teams home game with a few of my close friends. A couple of friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and we’ve never ran faster through the parking lot to greet each other. We tailgated before the game with the music blaring in the car, and all of us singing at the top of our lungs not caring what other people were thinking. Drinks in our hands and the talk fest begins. Millions of pictures were taken and inside jokes that will last a life time. We all yelled our lungs out during the game to the point where I, personally, almost lost my voice.

I love baseball. I love friends. But I love friends who bring out the best and loudest of me the most. They’ve seen the true me and some of my friends haven’t seen the changed me yet. I don’t think they will but that’s okay because I have these friends who are getting to know me like the back of their hand. I was very light and carefree today for the first time in a long time and my heart was just filled with joy.

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Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover

People are beyond judgmental and rude no matter where you go. People will look at you funny, at least one person will say something about you to the friend they’re with, people will think you’re weird and some people just don’t have a filter.

When I first meet people they usually think I’m three things.

1. Shy- because I don’t talk that much. I’m usually in the back of the classroom reading a book (I have branched out more and I couldn’t be happier about that). I also don’t want to say anything stupid and embarrass myself right off the bat.

2. Smart- I guess this is because I “look” smart (That’s what I’ve been told) and tend to focus on my studies over hanging out with friends, especially if it’s a big assignment. What people don’t know is that I work my butt off to get a B. It’s a struggle.

3. Weird- I am a weird person but you can’t judge a book by its cover. People think I’m weird because I would rather read a book than go out every Friday night. Or I would rather hang out with my family. I just have different priorities than other people.

That’s what people think of me when I first meet them. I met this guy and he knew a girl I went to high school with and when he told her that he was hanging out with me her first words were, “Why? She’s weird.” What does that even mean? It shouldn’t have bothered me but it did because she knew nothing about me. We simply passed each other in the halls between classes without even glancing at each other. We never even said a word to each other.

Now, my real friends would describe me as:

1. Outgoing- I love to travel and go to every concert I can afford. I love hanging out with my friends and going on late night drives with them. I like the rush of hiking and seeing the view at the very top. Singing at the top of my lungs in the car with my friends and learning dances at work with some of my co-workers. Doing fun, random things is a blast to me.

2. Caring- I probably have the biggest heart. I adore my family more than anything. I may not act like it sometimes but I don’t know what I would do without them. I have lunch with my grandparents at least once a week, text my cousin and brother at least once a week just to check up on them and see how they’re doing, I visit my other grandparents at least once a week and no matter how busy and chaotic my life gets I always set aside time to hang out with my parents. People think it’s weird how close my mom and I are but I don’t see how it’s weird when no matter what I always have a best friend to look up to. Family is my number one priority.

3. Hard worker – I don’t give up easily. I push to get my grades and force myself to learn something if I’m not doing well in a class. I’m taking 18 credit hours and have a part-time job on the side. I don’t get much free time and when I do I prefer to spend it with my friends and family. I try to balance everything out to where I can keep up my grades, still have a part-time job and fit in time with my friends and family. It’s hard work but it’s worth it.

Before you judge people, take a step back and realize that they could be the complete opposite of what you’re assuming. They could end up being one of your best friends.

What do people think of you when they first meet you? Are you the complete opposite? 

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Why is dating so complicated?

I went on a date the other day for the first time in a long time. After my last date I practically swore off guys and dove into my school work, and building up my friendships. I just didn’t want to go through it again and have all these confused, mixed feelings. It’s a complicated process. What do I wear? What do I talk about? Am I going to embarrass myself? What if he thinks I’m a freak? The list could go on….

The most important question… Will there be another date?

First off, after your date on your drive home or while lying in bed at night you need to ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I see a future with him?

I’ve read somewhere that after 30 seconds of conversation with someone, women know if they’re interested or not. I believe that’s true. When talking with someone you find out if you have anything in common, and if you don’t then you might want to turn the other way because your future will be very dull and boring.

By saying, “Do I see a future with him?” I don’t want anyone to start thinking about marriage.I’m not talking about that kind of future, let’s not jump the gun too fast. I’m talking about do you see yourself going out a second time or potentially in the future do you see him/her meeting your parents/family?

2. Was I thinking about someone else while on the date? 

Do you think of someone while he’s talking? Do you think “oh, *so and so* wouldn’t do that.” Or “*so and so* would have opened that door for me.” If you’re still thinking of someone else, possibly an ex, then you need to take a step back and realize that you’re probably not ready to start dating yet. Don’t use a guy for a rebound or to make your ex jealous. That’s not fair to the guy you’re going on a date with.

3. Did we have anything in common?

They say opposites attract but if you have absolutely nothing in common what do you plan on talking about in the future? Don’t think “I could get into that” because more than likely you won’t. Don’t ever change for a guy anyway. I think it’s great when significant others support each other in the things their partner loves even if they don’t love it, but I’m sure they have other things in common. Having things in common is what builds bonding.

4. Did he make me laugh? 

If he made you laugh that’s a really good sign. Chalk one up in the pros column (Just kidding don’t actually make a pro and con list). Having someone you can laugh with is an obvious must in a relationship. You need someone you can have fun with and who’s going to be there to cheer you up, and make you laugh when the fun is sucked away on those dreary days. If he can make you laugh more than once in the time span of a short date then odds are he will be able to make you laugh a lot more in the future.

5. Did he constantly talk about himself?

No one needs a self-centered guy. If he asks about you then he cares and wants to get to know you. The goal on a date is to switch up who asks questions that way you both get to know each other pretty well. If he ends up just talking about himself the whole time then I would say he’s not worth your time.

Those are the questions I asked myself after my date. Are there any different questions you ask yourself? Or how do you decide if there will be a second date or not?  

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New Years Resolutions and Reminiscing on 2014

First of all, I’m so sorry I haven’t written on here since May! I just got completely busy with school, work and all my summer travels. I can’t wait to write about 2014 though because it was one of the best years I’ve ever had. I learned a lot and worked harder than I ever have in school. Determination took over.

2014 was full of surprises, tears, stress, new friends, broken friendships and endless fun. I don’t  even know where to begin.

Remember my last post in May where I wrote about the friends I would be “friends with for life”? Yeah, we aren’t friends anymore. Things changed and once everyone separated we all feel apart. Drama kicked in for a couple of us and that’s when I left the picture. Friendships aren’t meant to last forever. They do fall apart and that’s part of life. In a way it’s heart breaking because you opened up to those people and spent so much time with them, time wasted. It’s not really time wasted though because you learned what you want in a friendship and what you don’t want. It’s still a learning experience no matter how old you are.

Speaking of friendships I branched out and made two really close friends in a couple of my classes. It’s something new for me because I’m so shy and laid back that it doesn’t bother me to sit alone in classrooms. I just grab a book and close myself off from the world. This past semester I decided it was enough of that and I started talking to the people around me. In every class there was at least one person I talked to and a couple of them stuck with me at the  end of the semester. Those are the friends you need to keep around.

I also connected with a couple of my professors this past semester and that’s something I highly recommend because who else are you going to get letters of recommendations from? Connecting with professors is huge in order to apply for internships.

One more thing about this past semester I buckled down and finally focused on my school work more than I focused on Netflix. It paid off, I ended up with 3 A’s and 3 B’s with a semester GPA of 3.3.  Hard work does pay off.

My New Years Resolutions:

1. Branch out more, get out of my comfort zone.

I’ve always had a problem with staying in my comfort zone because it’s obviously where I’m most comfortable and relaxed. Well, let me just tell you that you will get no where if you rest in your comfort zone for your entire life. It’s time to get out there and make a ton of friends, connect with professors, make connections with the right people, nail that internship and prove people wrong. Don’t let anyone say you can’t do it, because you can.

2. Write a book.

I’m currently writing a book. It’s slightly crappy but I’ve grown to really like it and I want to finish it before the end of the year. It may not get published and I may be the only one to ever read it but I’m okay with that, because I’ll have written a whole book. I never said I wanted it published, I just want to write a book.

3. Work out at least three times a week.

I’m already having problems with this. I can’t find a workout I actually like and want to do. If It wasn’t below freezing outside I would start running again. I need inside workout ideas. Help me with this one! Any ideas are welcome. And motivational tips to get me to actually do the workout would be nice, too…

4. Be more confident in myself

I’ve grown a lot in the confidence area ever since this past semester at IU. I kind of got in that mind set of not caring what other people think because I more than likely won’t ever see them again. Confidence will get you a long way in a lot of things such as your future career, and making relationships.

5. Get an Internship

I really need to get my act together and find an internship that will look killer on a resume. Internships are extremely important to get a future job, experience is key. I’m applying for a few out of state for the summer. Wish me luck.

I promise to write more. at least 3-4 times a week. I’m working on it.

What are your New Years Resolutions? 

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Friends For Life

One thing I’ve always struggled with is making new friends. I have my group of friends from high school where we’ve been friends for 8+ years but once college hit some of us faded away. During summer time we make sure to all get together and catch up, and share stories about our college experience. It’s great to have those friends where you know no matter how much you talk they will always be there for you. I’m so grateful for them and don’t know what I would do without them.

My struggle is while my friends are away at different colleges I failed to make friends for the longest time. I’m not sure if it’s because I refused, because I thought  making new friends would mean I would lose my old ones. Now I know that’s not the case. When I transferred to IU I finally met a great group of people who I really connected with. I’m not going to lie, it all started with Twitter. I found out this one girl, Emily, was at the same concert I was at and attended IU. Basically, I messaged her and we hit it off. We now travel to concerts together and share our love of Scotty McCreery, that not many people understand. Now, I don’t know what I would do without her. Later on down the road we met up with two other people who became close friends.

We all hung out last night for the last time. One of them is moving back to California for good which practically broke our hearts. We stayed out until 2am shooting off fireworks, sentimental talks around the bonfire and laughing until we could no longer breathe. We each took a turn and mentioned to each person, “What would you say if this was the last time you were going to see each of us.” It got really deep for some of us and almost brought tears to our eyes, ending up with a tight group hug.

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IMG_5407IMG_5400My eyes are closed in half of the pictures because the flash killed my eyes but I don’t care. I love these guys more than words can explain and I have a strong feeling that we will all be friends for life. ❤

Do you stay in touch with your high school friends? Do you think you’ll be friends with your college friends forever?

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Can I be Five Again?

Ugh! Seriously though, can I be five again? In my whole nineteen years of existence I’ve never been so stressed and confused in my life. I’m taking seven classes at my university and I’m adjusting to the life at a university compared to a community college, which I was at last year. I’m realizing that professors quite frankly don’t give two shits if you’re taking seventeen credit hours and have other things to do (Sorry for my language). They want you to spend multiple hours a day on the class they are teaching not even considering that, yeah, you are taking more classes than just theirs. Now, this isn’t always the case and there are professors out there who realize how much stuff you actually have to do but usually that’s not the case. Basically, suck it up and deal with it.

Yeah, I’m having trouble dealing with it. I have to take buses on campus because I refuse to walk a mile in freezing cold weather (Granted it’s getting warmer but I’m lazy, and am still not walking a mile to class. My poor feet can’t handle it). At the beginning of the semester these buses were really good to me. Always got me where I needed to be on time without any problems. Well, suddenly the buses decided to pick on Taylor until she had a mental breakdown. I’ve had a bus breakdown on me where the bus driver refused to let me off until some girl burst through the doors and started walking. A bus driver, literally, left me in the pouring rain (basically he forgot I got off the bus to let people off, because it was so crowded, and he shut the doors on me, and drove off leaving me in the pouring rain). They’ve made me late, made me fall into other people, and been in a bus with at least 50 people all squished together. Yay, public transportation!

Well, I had my breaking point and completely broke down as soon as I stepped into work. I bawled my eyes out in front of my boss and it was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. After that incident I took five weeks off of work hoping to de-stress and unwind a bit, and focus on my studies. I have to say it’s helped a lot because I’m not constantly worrying about making it to work on time, hoping that the bus doesn’t break down and make me late. I miss my kids at work but the little stress that is lifted off my shoulders helps so much.

Why is the title of this blog entry, “Can I be Five Again?” I’m sure you’re wondering. A couple of weeks ago, during spring break, I babysat four amazing kids ages 2, 5, 9, and 10 from eight  in the morning until five. You would think it would be stressful and chaotic, but it was the most peaceful week of my life. At times it got chaotic but in the time span of a week those kids taught me something that I wouldn’t have learned if I hadn’t taken that gig. (Great timing too because it was the week after my mental breakdown). They taught me how to just live life and not worry. Some of you are probably thinking, ‘shouldn’t you already know how?’ In a way, yes. But after a week of tears and stress I forgot how to live and not worry. They brought me back to life by being the happy kids they are. We made up games, played basketball, tennis, football, swung on the swings, played in the mud, colored, and many hugs were exchanged. That whole week was all smiles for me because they silently said, “everything will be okay,” and that’s exactly what I needed to realize. Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay it’s not the end. untitled

I guess what I’m trying to say is yes, you can be five again. All it takes is a huge smile without any worries and go relax by playing a fun game with friends, family, or even your own kids if you have any.

Have you ever been so stressed you just feel like it’s the end of the world? How do you get over it?

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Self Confidence

One thing I majorly lack is self-confidence. No matter where I’m at or what I’m doing I feel like people are judging me from a far. I suppose this also has to do with why I’m quiet and don’t talk much to new people. I’ve slightly broken out of that shell and made a few new friends and have become closer with a few of my co-workers. It’s an awesome feeling knowing someone is there for you no matter what or talking with someone who has a common interest as you. Most people would consider me a follower instead of a leader because I like to blend in. I go to a huge campus, Indiana University, where there’s over 150 people in some of my classes. Those classes are my favorite because I can blend in and not be noticed, nor do I have to talk in front of the class like I do in my smaller classes.

In my classes I’m usually in the back with my mouth shut, refusing to say a word. Anything that comes out of my mouth I think people will judge me or I’ll say something stupid where I’ll be the talk of the day around campus, or social media. It’s how my mind works and I’m not happy with it so I’m trying to change it. I have to change it. So commence operation of self-confidence step number one is to dress the way I want to dress. That means all those outfit pins on Pinterest I’ve been pinning need to come to life. I’ve always been afraid to “over dress” because of what people will think. For some reason I care about what people think when I really shouldn’t. I need to just be me.


(My two favorite quotes about being yourself to get me through the day)


Last week, I dressed the way I wanted to. I’ve always wanted to try the layered look with a sweater and a pin striped shirt underneath. I’ve never had the guts to because almost everyone on campus is in sweats or something casual. Here was my outfit.

(Please ignore the mess in the background we are re-doing the bathroom. Also my mirror was dirty so ignore that too! :))


IMG_4854Of course I added pearls and a silver Paris bracelet, and hoop earrings to top it off.

With my self-confidence at a low I walked into class with confidence and with the mind-set of not caring what people were thinking. I felt as though I got a lot of looks and stares but my mind likes to take over and put these thoughts in my head. It was a good first step for me to branch out and try new things, and to not care what other people were thinking or saying. I guess baby steps lead to somewhere.

Do you have this problem too? What did you think of the layering?

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